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Tonight, he was fairly busy behind the bar so I was amusing myself watching Jeopardy on the TV behind the bar. I'm fairly well read and have a good memory for trivia, and I'd like to think that if I ever were to become a real contestant on that game show, I'd likely win a small fortune ... unless they asked obscure questions about Renaissance era Italian poets. In any case, I was doing well and winning pots of virtual money when a Santa Claus, complete with a full red suit came into Herb's and planted himself down on the barstool next to me.I shouted "Unclean!" and made the universal ablutions to ward off evil and moved over to another barstool. The swine moved over and again sit next to me. It was moments like this that I despaired for my state, that the liberal wankers at the state capitol had not voted us victimized tax-payers the right to conceal carry firearms ... and the right to 'rehabilitate' known proven public menaces to the common welfare, like Santa's on sight.I gave the. The poor guy that dared call his darlin’ a gun wound up sleeping with it for a week. I was in good shape – working as a rigger is hard work. But the physical effort they put us through left me sore for weeks. We learned the usual things I would have expected and some I didn’t. For example I learned an amazingly rich vocabulary of words I could never say around mom. Within days I was cussin’ up a storm with the best of the Drill Instructors. The first day, when our DI told us how it was going to be, one thing he said stuck with me. He walked up and down the rows, staring each of us in the eye. Standing in front again, an unmistakable look of disgust on his face, he said, ‘Okay. I want everyone that thinks he is a man to take two steps forward.’ We nervously looked at each other, and then en masse we all took two steps to the front. ‘Goddammit! You all are just boys. There ain’t a man among you. I’m gonna break you down in pieces. Then when you are nothin’ I’m gonna put y’all back.
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